Once again, if you are new to the thread please start at the beginning. (four posts down at this point) and then head on over to Greg's site and see his post on today's events.
What did I do today? I hung out with illegal aliens!
(Click to enlarge)
The play by play left off at Part Dos. (Part Tres was a divergence from the script)
After going back to the front of El Centro Criminal we stood in front of the building wondering what was the best way to cause the criminals inside to be nervous and make the point that we weren't going to go away.
A woman got the city manager on the phone and I asked him about an alley that ran adjacent to the building and was as close to the front door as you could get without being on the property. He informed me that this was a public right-of-way so we rushed on.
This cause much concern amongst the consulate and they quickly huddled a group together to try to figure out what to do about us. This was because now their criminal customers weren't comforable coming out the front door only to run into our cameras.
Quick question: When you feel guilty what does that mean? It means you're doing something wrong! It was a beautiful site to see these people acting like the criminals that they are.
We decided to get scientific and two tactics were then employed: If they hurried past us without making eye contact they got their picture taken.
Notice this fine scientific specimen: criminlus wonttalktodanielus
You will note the plumage they exibit at the end of their upper appendages. It closely resembles that of an official Oregon logo. This diplay helps the specimen camoflouge better if foreign environments. It's like evolution except it's more of a mutation since the state plays a Dr. Jekyl type character in the whole proccess.
If eye contact was made I would attempt to engage the specimen in conversation. (Greg was operating the camera at this point) Like in hunting, various calls were used to attract different species. (basically I would use "proper" spanish or slang spanish) After an intial spanish phrase I would then experiment to see if the specimen spoke any English.
Once a light-hearted conversation about the lack of rain or such I would then attempt to corner my prey by asking about their matricula and if they would take pictures with me.
Thus you end up with never before seen in-the-wild pictures of me with a fine specimen of illegala butwilltalktodaniela. Several of these were encountered throughout the safari. They can be easily idenfied by their good-natured smile that says "it doesn't matter if I'm illegal, there's nothing you can do." Or you can identify them by their Matricula card...
Certainly my least favorite of the species was one of the most common: the dreaded actualcitizen butigoresdaniellikeasmallandimmaturechildwould. This is a very dangeous species. While not belonging to the parasite family illegala or criminalus they form a sort of symbiotic relationship with those two species. In my scientific opinion this is because they share the same fur color, nothing more. Clearly this is a primitive species to rely on such racist, err,
Photos of these speciments include:
This was one of the dominant males a worksus foraforeigngovernus. Or in laymans terms, the Consul General. I have encountered this precise specimen multiple times before and he has since shied away from human contact after our first encounter during which my nature calls seem to have made him uncomforable. This animal is very territorial and will often appear agitated in my presence.
The Consular General specimen was usually in a head-bent-down position so as not to make eye contact as he wandered back and forth attmepting to establish his "territory." No word on whether or not he peed on any trees to accomplish this goal. It was very clear that we were higher on the food chain and were not going to reliquish the territory we had established as our own.
A subspecies of the acualcitizen genus is the imastaworkersaurus butiwillstillingorus. The curious thing about these creatures is that they depend on us for their very survival but treat us with the utmost disrespect.
The females of this species can be idenfied by the short fur on top of their head. They are not know to procreate so they are constantly hiring, err, bringing new specimens into their herd.
This is the exact vehicle that the above pictured specimen uses to roam her vast territory.
I realize that I kind of got off track with my whole safari theme here... well, next post will be the entire gallery of the woman who says she will sue me if I post her picture. (I hope that you are reading this squinty eyes, I'm sooo sure that your lawyer is on retainer and just itching for the chance to... I'm not sure what, or maybe you have a law license yourself? Do you squinty? You seem smart. In fact, I'm sure that you are a lawyer yourself. Harvard Law right? Yeah, it shows. I'll keep you waiting a little bit though)