OK, the Democrats have finally convinced me. I now support the idea of "affordable health care for all." That's right, I said it.
Before, my clearly stated position was one of "unaffordable" health care for all. But now, thanks to the incessant whining of liberals I have changed my mind.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do at the next Republican/vampire meeting when it comes time to discuss how, once again, Republicans can jack up the cost of health care. We've been doing it so long that it's almost like a reflex to us.
It even goes hand in hand with our other positions. When discussing responsible gun ownership we always try to figure out a way to raise health care costs at the same time.
I know we are behind Democrats on this issue. Countless Democrat party platforms have "affordable health care for all" as the first item on their list while the corresponding Republican platform is "raise the cost of health care so high that only Dick Cheney can afford it."
Now that I've seen the error the my ways I want to expand on this great idea: affordable houses for all! No, no, make that affordable mansions for all! And yachts! And we absolutely have to have affordable guns for all! (that one really is a guaranteed right) How about affordable cars for all? And Nike shoes?
In fact, I demand that EVERYTHING be affordable to all. My name is Daniel and I am running for some office on the promise of making everything affordable.
This ad has been paid for by the Make everything affordable for all PAC. Not affiliated with BlueOregon because they try to keep black people from voting. (If I say it over and over then people will accept it as truth) <== A trick I learned from the media.
Allen noted a glaring omission in my new political platform: A "living wage for everyone!" I propose a minimum wage of $60,000/year! That way people will be able to more easily afford all the things that I have made affordable. It's so simple, why won't they take me seriously in economics class?