Tuesday, October 25, 2005

They've convinced me...

OK, the Democrats have finally convinced me. I now support the idea of "affordable health care for all." That's right, I said it.

Before, my clearly stated position was one of "unaffordable" health care for all. But now, thanks to the incessant whining of liberals I have changed my mind.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do at the next Republican/vampire meeting when it comes time to discuss how, once again, Republicans can jack up the cost of health care. We've been doing it so long that it's almost like a reflex to us.

It even goes hand in hand with our other positions. When discussing responsible gun ownership we always try to figure out a way to raise health care costs at the same time.

I know we are behind Democrats on this issue. Countless Democrat party platforms have "affordable health care for all" as the first item on their list while the corresponding Republican platform is "raise the cost of health care so high that only Dick Cheney can afford it."

Now that I've seen the error the my ways I want to expand on this great idea: affordable houses for all! No, no, make that affordable mansions for all! And yachts! And we absolutely have to have affordable guns for all! (that one really is a guaranteed right) How about affordable cars for all? And Nike shoes?

In fact, I demand that EVERYTHING be affordable to all. My name is Daniel and I am running for some office on the promise of making everything affordable.

This ad has been paid for by the Make everything affordable for all PAC. Not affiliated with BlueOregon because they try to keep black people from voting. (If I say it over and over then people will accept it as truth) <== A trick I learned from the media.

*UPDATE*
Allen noted a glaring omission in my new political platform: A "living wage for everyone!" I propose a minimum wage of $60,000/year! That way people will be able to more easily afford all the things that I have made affordable. It's so simple, why won't they take me seriously in economics class?

12 comments:

Gunslinger said...

I think I hear TAPS playing in the background, Daniel.

Allen said...

Daniel, I'm wise to your crafty political trick.

Everything affordable to all is easy if you raise Oregon's minimum hourly wage to that of a starting teacher with the Oregon Trail School District.

Daniel said...

Dammit, that's what I forgot! I also support a "living wage" for everyone. From now on everyone makes $60,000/year.

Gullyborg said...

And make sure you have state issued sex workers. After all, we need state-supervised sex workers to fulfill our sexual needs without the risk of disease and unwanted pregnancy. And by no risk of unwanted pregnancy, I mean free abortions for all.

Gunslinger said...

Free abortions? How about MANDATORY abortions?

jwalker said...

And we can make all of this so much easier if we just automatically give all the kids A's k-graduate school so EVERYONE can ..... wait, we already do that.

The Cheezer said...

Now Daniel has gone from Republican to Marxist! About time you came over to the dark side. Communism worked great for the soviet union, I don't see why it wouldn't work here just as well. Every one is equal. Nobody gets ahead of your neighbor (makes it easier to keep up with the Jones's).
Can we have a return of government cheeze? I love government cheeze!

Gullyborg said...

I thought free MEANT mandatory!

Daniel said...

Hey, they just had a few bad winters in my beloved Soviet Union...

And yes Gullyborg, we need to continue to expand on our "stuff for everyone at no cost to anyone" political platform. Affordable live sex acts are just one pillar of our democratic house.

As for the government cheese, several commissions are studying the idea of forming a group that will evaluate possible regulations that will govern how the Department of Cheese will operate. Expect a final product in 2021.

Anonymous said...

The Dems'll never go for Gummint cheeze, it's high in saturated fat and victimizes cows.

Gummint soy-based cheese-like food product, that's the ticket!

Gunslinger said...

You could give out M.R.E. Squeezy cheese, but then you would have to support a military budget. There will be no need for a military force in your Utopia, Daniel!

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