Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Need a break from the stress?

We all need to take some time to relax. To do something fun. Enjoy ourselves.

But Daniel, you ask, what kind of recreational activities could I do? Good question, I would suggest:

Soccer leagues
Basketball leagues
Volleyball leagues
Pickle-ball leagues (like tennis with a wiffle-ball and high net)
Iron Man competitions
Annual summer yard concerts
Native American pow-wow's
Latino Folkloric Ballet

Those sound like fun, tell me more...

How about:
Weight lifting
Jogging / walking trail
Hackey-sack

Yes, yes?

Aerobics
Yoga
Stationary bicycles
Bingo
Karaoke
Numerous board games and other indoor activities (cards, chess, etc.)
Current-run movies are shown nightly

But Daniel, where could I go that all of those wonderful things are offered? Is there some great resort package that includes all of the above? Is it on a cruise? A health club?

No my friends. It's a facility in Northeast Portland called... the Columbia River Correctional Institution.

With all these perks it's no wonder that illegal aliens come here to commit their crimes. Is it time to make prison a place that isn't so fun to go to?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good pitch, I almost fell for it. Too bad for the punch line.

The Cheezer said...

I say we make the prisons what they were meant to be, uncomfortable.

The inmates get a cement cell with with a bed, a toilet, sink and a small window up too high to see out of.
The only perk is reading material that has been sanitized.

If they want to exercise, they can do sit ups, pull ups and press their bed roll.
Beyond that, the meals are nutritious glop.
NO PERKS!
They should hate it there.

Gullyborg said...

Prisoners should spend most of their waking hours doing intense manual labor--you know, the stuff "Americans don't want to do" that all those "undocumented workers" pour over the borders for. They shouldn't have leisure time to exercise or read.

Sailor Republica said...

Joe Arpaio...

Daniel said...

I like Lars' idea of having them sort garbage. They could seperate the recyclables from the trash.

That's probably less fun than yoga or hackey sack.

Gullyborg said...

actually, the garbage idea is a BAD one. we'd have to be sure we never threw away anything that a prisoner could use.

no sharp objects.

no personal information.

bad bad bad bad bad idea.

Daniel said...

You shouldn't throw away personal info as it is. Of course, the state helps them get it anyways by having prisoners answer DMV phones...

Gunslinger said...

Daniel,

Heard your plug on Lars this afternoon. Way to go, again!

Chris McMullen said...

Two words:

"Chain gang."

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