Friday, April 21, 2006

Jeff Foxworthy-Gonzales-Lopez-Alvarez-Mendez

Ok, I sat down with the intention of coming up with some "you might be an illegal alien if" jokes but nothing came to mind. (saying that they sell drugs, rape teenagers and ruin our public schools isn't a good punchline)

So after searching this thing called "the internet" that a nice man name Al Gore invented, I compiled a small list of other tasteless jokes:

What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook? "Steal a chicken"

Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team? Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!

"According to this new bill that's tied up in the Senate, illegal immigrants who can prove they've been here for two years would be allowed to stay. So follow the logic here. If you can prove you broke the current law for two years, you've protected under the new law." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is down in Mexico right now. Again, I don't think President Bush gets it. As soon as he stepped off Air Force Once, he looked around and said, 'Wow, you got a big problem with Mexican immigrants down here, too.'" --Jay Leno

"As you know, there were lots of huge marches around the country yesterday to protest the immigration laws. The marches had quite an impact on businesses. Restaurants had to close, construction sites had to shut down, the Yankees had to forfeit a game. ... Do you realize that Americans are now doing the jobs that immigrants won't do because they're out protesting?" --Jay Leno

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

It looks as El Presidente Bush is now playing a few of the hold cards he had in his pocket waiting for the time to ripen to where he can gain the most political mileage from the stash. Brace up for a record setting Come Back as GW's numbers are soon to climb.

To think of the harm that has been done to the US for the sake of opportune timing. Look for more headline grabbing ICE busts as the election grows near.

I wish this were a joke, as I am not laughing.

BEAR said...

remember, anon 9:58, that the # of apprehensions is irrelevant, because almost all are released with the promise that, "Oh yeah......I'll be back for my hearing, when pigs fly." That's the dirty secret from rino-ville.

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Bruce said...

YOU MIGHT BE AN ILLEGAL ALIEN IF..
You set up the Sunday feast on the trunk lid of the 1963 Chevy Impala that is rusting in your frontyard!!

You buy your groceries with the Oregon Trail Card while NOT speaking a word of English to the clerk AND THEN takeing said groceries out to the bright red 2005 GMC 4X4 where hubby sits drinking a Tecate!!

Most of your cars are from 1991 and before because you have no insurance or valid drivers license and you don't want to lose a lot of money when you have to get a new junker bec ause you were pulled over and the old one was towed!!

You live with your brother,his wife,their 3 anchor babies, your aunt and a widowed grandmother in a 2 bedroom apartment...just to save money (to send back to Mexico)

You have MORE than 5 gold teeth and a pair of fake snakeskin cowboy boots!!

Your brother calls you to inquire if you know the wherabouts of his lost wallet and I.D. and when you look at your wallet you discover your I.D. is the same as his!!

More to come tommorrow, I'm tired and i have to go to work early on Sat. HELL!! Someone has to pay the taxes so we can provide for our "welcome guests" whom i do not remember inviting into my country!!

Bruce said...

Daniel....That's where it comes in handy to have 30 years of barbering experience....just for the jokes!! LOL.

Bruce said...

What is the 2 words that come to mind when you see 4 illegals in a boat floating on the lake and the boat springs a leak and slowly is slipping under the water......................................................................................................Quatro, Cinco HA HA HA HA!!!

Daniel said...

Your brother calls you to inquire if you know the wherabouts of his lost wallet and I.D. and when you look at your wallet you discover your I.D. is the same as his!!

Priceless!

Bruce said...

Sorry about that, the answer is
Quatro...Cinco HA HA HA !!!

Bruce said...

Get it...Quatro, 4 Cinco (sinking)

Bruce said...

This pretty well goes on all day at my shop......I really love being a barber with my personality.
GOOD LUCK TOMMORROW, DANIEL....GO GIT'EM BOY !!!!!!

Sue K. said...

Anonymous, I don't think Bush's numbers are going to climb any time soon, especially now with the price of gas and the lack of availability in some areas. I saw him squawking on the news about going after those who try to price gouge consumers. I'm sure that has people shaking in their shoes! Not! I will not trust Bush, the Dept of Homeland Un-security, ICE, etc. until I see proof that they are HONESTLY (and FINALLY) doing their jobs by arresting illegals and those who employ them. And I'm not talking about pretending to arrest only to cite and release. No, I will not be so quick to trust the Bush administration because of a few recent media opportunities. Too much lawlessness and damage has been allowed to go on for WAY too long. And I am not laughing either!

BEAR said...

well said, sue k..

Bruce said...

You're right on the mark SUE K

Anonymous said...

Oh but wait sister sue.

Iraq will get ironed out, Iran and Korea will be chilled, gas will drop to a comfortable $2.59.9 a gallon and we will deport a few thousand easy pick illegal aliens.

Meanwhile, China-Mart will build a few more stores, we will continue happily dealing with a killing a day in the local news and bilingual schools will gain more money from the sheeple.

Sue K. said...

And we only have to wait until Monday to hear the bilingual version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" while The American Flag is flown upside down under the Mexican flag. If all this crap continues, Bush and about 95% of the elected officials will be running for the border!!

Scottiebill said...

I just read on NewsMax.com that the illegals here have cost the taxpayers $7.7 billion in the last year. It is time to put a stop to this.

As far as the boycott by the illegals on May 1, will they also boycott the roads, the emergency rooms at the hospitals, cafes, etc.? I think not. And, if this bunch is going to boycott businesses, the merchants should refuse to do business with any who will come into their establishments. But, then they would holler "racism", wouldn't they? And when racism is mentioned stupid is close behind.

Anonymous said...

I'm amused by these arguments against illegal immigrants, it just shows that the right wing really just uses them as scape goats for all of the states woes.

I just read on NewsMax.com that the illegals here have cost the taxpayers $7.7 billion in the last year

If you want to put a stop to that, you should write the Social Security Administration and tell them to reallocate the 7 billion dollars of social security contributions that are attributed to Illegals who don't claim them (due to out of sync social security numbers).

Now, let us not forget how their willingness to work construction for low pay helps keep your property prices low. I don't feel the need to tell you how that works considering you're conservatives and you should be able to grasp the idea of supply and demand.

Also Oregon a crop based state is built on the sweat of illegals. Kick them out and harm the economy, it's that simple. 80% of your crop workers are illegal, are you really willing to take away that life line of Oregon?

Now this made me laugh also

...that they sell drugs, rape teenagers and ruin our public schools isn't a good punchline

Way to just single out the illegals, as if documented citizens don't sell drugs or rape or ruin public schools, I mean considering those who decide the budget for the public school system are documented citizens... they're really to blame, not the illegals.

END OF RANT:

Kick out the illegals; make American life more expensive, ruin Oregon's economy and then be forced to face the same issues again but this time going after the real cause... inept politicians.

I challenge you stop the Sean Hannity parroting and try to use some original rhetoric. That is all, thank you for your time.

Sue K. said...

Thank you, President Bush. You can't hide behind the anonymous name anymore. We know who you are!

dchamil said...

If you can't have a party with a chicken and a bottle of vodka, there's something wrong with you. That's my contribution, except it's really a Russian saying.

Scottiebill said...

Daniel, I hope you had yur tongue firmly imbedded in your cheek when you called AlQaeda Gore a "nice man".

Scottiebill said...

Anonymous 209pm: That $7.7 billion COULDgo to other more worthy causes, such as Social Security, if the illegals were kicked out of the country so they aren't costing us more each day in their illegal activities. But, then you liberal appeasers would have to find something else to attack right-thinking Americans about. And that would take some work on your part, something you could get your illegal alien friends to do for you.

Mike Mayhem said...

Yeah and the $41 BILLION A YEAR that it'll cost to remove the illegals COULD be used for a more worthy cause. Considering illegal immigrants are a beneficial entity in the U.S. Economy, especially here in Oregon.

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