Sunday, September 18, 2005

Report: criminals under-represented on bench

A new diversity report reveals that while many defendants are "criminals," the judges presiding over their trials are "law-abiding" citizens.

"It just goes to show that historical inequalities haven't changed much in the last few decades," says a new taxpayer funded task force. The task force, created by the Supervisor of diversity and equality for minorities, has been studying the alarming rate of convictions of people accused of crimes.

"Criminals are disproportionaly locked up when you compare their incarceration rate to that of the general public," said Juan Garcia, a senior member of the task force and recently paroled felon. "Juries are looking at the crimes rather than the troubled childhood of the defendant."

The task force has recommended that newly appointed judges also be current or former inmates in our criminal justice system. "The constitution clearly says that defendants should be given a trial by their peers, that means a drug dealing rapist should have a like-minded person presiding over their trial."

"Dude, you got a hit?" asked one judge recently appointed after the task force report came out. "It's like, I see my old homies on trial, and like, I just, like, tell that prosecutor to shut up, you know what I'm saying?"

The state of Oregon knows what he's saying, they have since created an Oregon Criminal Lawyers Association to promote criminal candidates for judicial appointements. Miguel Sachez of the association says "criminals really are discriminated against as a group when it comes to judicial positions, if we are to be a truly diverse and tolerant society we just can't let this go on."

*The above was a parody of this story*
Seeking equality for all
Joseph Ochoa and Marco Hernandez are two of the newer faces of justice in Oregon.

They represent the progress that minorities have made in the 11 years since a task force issued a landmark report on racial and ethnic problems in Oregon's judicial system.

The Oregon Supreme Court Task Force on Racial/Ethnic Issues in the Judicial System reported in May 1994 that minorities fared very poorly in the state court system.

Blacks, Hispanics and Native Americans continue to be locked up in greater numbers than their shares of Oregon's population.

Rather than ask the question: Are blacks, hispanics and native Americans commiting crimes in greater number than their shares of Oregon's population the media and government assume that racism must be the only factor involved.

So now we have an affirmative action plan for judges. If I was judge Ochoa or judge Hernandez I would be embarrassed to think that I got where I was just because of the color of my skin rather than the content of my character and abilities as a lawyer.

And for all you idiots who are going to accuse me of comparing minorites to criminals in my parody, I will use the compelling argument that Ellen Goodmen used today to refute a comment by the CWA: "Say what?"


Scott said...

"Juries are looking at the crimes rather than the troubled childhood of the defendant."
sadly that is just to belivable.

Daniel said...

All good parody is rooted in truth.

Anonymous said...

OREGON AND WASHINGTON Representatives are under the Oregon Constitution requiring them to restrain and regulate immigration only to those who are qualified to become citizens of the United States. This applies to the modern States of Oregon and Washington.

Oregon Territorial Constitution was never rescinded by the territory, but only by the state courts. No territorial court existed to which citizens of the territory could appeal the decision of the state court, and today reads: "White foreigners who are, or who may hereafter become residents of the state shall enjoy the same rights in respect to the possession, enjoyment, and descent of propert as native born citizens. And the legislative assembly shall have power to restrain and regulate immigration to this State of persons not qualified to become citizens of the United States. (Oregon Constitution, page 7, paragraph 31).


"Oregon, My Oregon"
Words by J.A. Buchanan
Music by Henry B. Murtagh

Land of the Empire Builders, Land of the Golden West;
Conquered and held by free men, Fairest and the best.
On-ward and upward ever, Forward and on, and on;
Hail to thee, Land of the Heroes, My Oregon.

Land of the rose and sunshine, Land of the summer's breeze;
Laden with health and vigor, Fresh from the western seas.
Blest by the blood of martyrs, Land of the setting sun;
Hail to thee, Land of Promise, My Oregon.