Saturday, August 06, 2005

Editorial page rant

Ahh, the Saturday Fishwrapper. Nothing helps my morning breakfast of eggs and toast go down better than the editorial page. Or does it make my breakfast want to come back up?

We start with the "we should hurry and save money but not too fast" editorial on the outrageous FPD&R scandal. Ooops, sorry, it doesn't qualify as a "scandal" since Republicans aren't involved. We'll just call it an "oversight."

I'm not sure what the Fishwrapper editorial board wants here except to not give voters a chance as soon as possible to scale this Cadillac plan down to the norm.

The we have the "oh woe is us for winning a war" piece. Do any of the peaceniks realize that Japan wasn't always the Honda making, Pokemon loving, technology having society that it is now? We were fighting Imperial Japan. They attacked us first! Then we won with the help of our superior weapons technology and save thousands of our soldiers lives. And yes, our soldiers lives are worth more than their lives when we are at war.

Moving over to the "Daniel is no longer printed here section" also know as the "letters to the editor," we start with another "I'm ashamed to be American" writer. If Rowdy Webb has to "look at her shoes and mutter" when telling people what country she is from then maybe she should just leave. Renounce your citizenship and move to Mexico.

Next we have the "war never solved anything" (except independence, slavery, genocide, imperialism...) letters that blame America for wars started by communists and Muslims. Dennis Kenny is an idiot.

A Certified Public Accountant has a great idea for setting public employee wages but doesn't quite grasp how the system works. I'm sure that the Union goons are inside his house right now beating some sense into him.

A little farm bashing... blah blah blah

A John Day resident responds to the "people who don't live in The Pearl and shop at Bridgeport Village are backwater hicks" article that was written by Richard Cockle. (obviously this man was teased as a child because of his name causing him to become a lifelong democrat, aka "a victim") My music player is currently playing the song "Hicktown" by Jason Aldean. Ah, the good life...

Then Mark Kirby writes a letter in opposition to preventing terrorism. Kirby makes the most absurd comparison of racial profiling Arab terrorists to auditing middle-aged white guys with six figure incomes. Uh, Mark, that's who they do audit. Tax lawyers will tell you that if you make less than $50,000 a year you are more likely to be struck by lightning than audited. This is why Clinton's IRS was suspect when Paula Jones got audited. People who make less than $50k are less likely to cheat on their taxes, people who are 21 - 34, Arab, and named Mohammed are more likely to blow themselves up. Those are facts.

Moving to the op-ed page we have another "ashamed American." Not just content to let foreigners bash our country she must write a guest column for our Fishwrapper advising Americans to pretend to be Canadian.

Let me say this, Mr. T pities the fool who tries to talk down on America to me. (foreign or not) And if Tracey Barrnett, surprise: a liberal, hates America so much then she should renounce her citizenship and adopt a new country. I hear that you can sneak into Mexico and they will give you all kinds of free social services with no questions asked, try that Tracey.

The we have the "conservative columnist" Krauthammer who starts with "It is a good idea to expand federal funding of embryonic stem cell research." You always know who the least conservative, least eloquent, least intelligent republicans are because the mainstream media has them writing on their op-ed pages. I will stop calling The Oregonian the "Fishwrapper" as soon as they start running Mac Johnson, Ann Coulter and Lars Larson columns.

Then we have the Saturday cartoons. Boring, boring, ah a football analogy. Since liberals have never watched football they apparently don't understand the rules. Bush scoring after the game wouldn't happen. He would have steadily advanced up the field because the Dems would have had repeated DELAY OF GAME penalties.

Steroid cartoon is funny...

Oh good, let's compare Christianity to alchemy and magic. Yes, that's nice. Don't think that I'm "offended" or a "victim" here, I just don't like the double standard. Wiccans get more respect in the Fishwrapper than Christians do.

This concludes my Fishwrapper editorial analysis.

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Al said...

Alas, all is well in Porkland as long as the soy based bicycle chain oil holds out.

Daniel said...

And if it doesn't then we all play a nice game of hackey-sack on the side of the road. Don't worry, there's no keeping score so no ones self-esteem will be hurt.

Anonymous said...

Dude, Rowdy is a guy's name, haven't you heard of Rowdy Yates or Rowdy Gaines or even the Rowdy in Days of Thunder.

I suppose you would've looked the elderly woman in the eye (was was holding the picture of her brother who was killed in the bomb blast on 8/6/45) and said, "Fuck yeah, I'm American, and proud of it!"

If I wasn't proud to be American I doubt I could've sat amongst Japanese at that ceremony, w/o another American in sight. Would you have had the cojones to do that?