Monday, June 06, 2005

Stock prices for Frito-Lay plummets...

Department of Human Services temporarily stops issuing medical marijuana cards
Following today's U.S. Supreme Court ruling that federal authorities may prosecute users of medical marijuana, the Oregon Department of Human Services (DHS) is temporarily halting issuance of medical marijuana registration cards.

I always get a kick out of the pot smokers who call up Lars whenever this kind of issue comes up. While listening to them struggle to string together a coherent sentence it becomes very clear that doing drugs make you stupid.

Never-the-less, the "marijuana lobby" comes out in full force with such tired arguments as "alcohol is worse" and "it doesn't hurt anybody."

In an attempt to bait the pot-heads into writing misspelled comments on my blog I am going to insist that drugs are illegal, drugs make you stupid, and yes, marijuana is bad for you. I will also ridicule some of the well know and lesser know "marijuana lobby" groups.

Oregon Marijuana Party (political party, not a house party, no free drugs or anything)

The very influential Marijuana Party makes demands such as:
We demand the release of all people imprisoned on marijuana charges and that their criminal records be expunged.

We demand that all property seized in marijuana raids be returned to the rightful owners at once.

"We demand an end to the war on productive and otherwise law abiding citizens by the powers that be who claim to protect us."
When you are as powerful as the Marijuana Party is demands like this are taken very seriously...

Seattle Hempfest 2005, the Year of Education
Here are some pictures of people from past "Hempfests" who are well within social norms...
Flute boy
Mohawk-makeup-leather guy
Pot heads for Kerry!
Begging hippie needs cash for weed
I would hire them...
Begging for munchies
It's not like he is obsessed...

Clearly these people's lives revolve around marijuana. (which is illegal) I would say that a majority have a very unhealthy obsession with marijuana. (which is harmful) I would also say that most are bums, losers, and do-nothing slackers who are not going to amount to much in life. (because of marijuana)

And the bottom line is that I'm not using substances that could cause me to want to use this:
The Original Whizzinator!
The WHIZZINATORĂ‚© is an easy to conceal, easy to use urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. It has been extensively tested and proven to work under real-life conditions!

The WHIZZINATORĂ‚© is designed to be comfortably worn as an undergarment for extended periods of time!

Used with our organic heat pads, it is GUARANTEED to maintain body temperature for EIGHT HOURS! And our quality production and materials assures you that the WHIZZINATORĂ‚© will let it flow, again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!

Attention "professional" athletes: Do not take The Whizzinator through airport security! Also do not take your marijuana through a metal detector when it is wrapped in metal foil. I'm sure that you are smart enough to figure this out since marijuana doesn't make you stupid...


Anonymous said...

So, your hero Rush Limbaugh can use ILLEGAL narcotics, popping em like candy on the air, but really sick people in Oregon can't use a legal drug called marijuana.

Makes sense to me in W's Amerikkka.

Daniel said...

First, Rush Limbaugh is not my hero. I certainly don't want to justify his misuse of drugs but your characterization of them being "illegal" and marijuana "legal" is just false. The federal government has classified marijuana as a schedule 1 drug. It is not legal anywhere. The drugs that Limbaugh abused were schedule 2 drugs that can be legally prescribed. (I believe that Rush did not have the neccessary prescription, at least not for the amount that he was using)