Local pundit Jeff Alworth has overcome writers block once again... by simply copying the idea of a national writer.
So even though Marie Coocoo wrote about it just days ago, it's time for Alworth to to bash the idea of Americans "owning" things. ("owning" is in direct violation of the Rules of the Commune)
The Ownership Society (Revised)
Suprisingly, Alworth admits "In terms of ownership, I'm a paycheck man" when clearly "earning a living" is also against the Rules of the Commune. But working (if you can call copying other writers ideas about a week after they are published) working, isn't good enough for Alworth because he doesn't have enough "capital gains." Oh I'm sure he has some, home ownership in America is at an all time high and appreciation of property is the most common form of capital gain. But unless Alworth's entire income comes from these gains he is just going to be bitter. (If I can't play with that toy then I'll break it so no one can play with it)
Alworth gets to the meat and potatos of his idea saying "If this sounds like class warfare, it is. Best get used to it and the fact that, unless you're perusing that Choate brochures, you're probably getting jobbed by the "ownership society." Working stiffs own one thing--their paycheck--and we've done a rotten job protecting it."
Since Alworth is an admitted "paycheck man" (how embarrasing to admit that in public) I guess that Alworth doesn't own anything. I'll look for him at Dignity Village. I'm not even sure what "Choate" is but with the magic of a little word like "probably" thrown in that sentence it means that his thesis doesn't actually have to be, in a strict sense, true. At least not all the time.
But what can I, the aspiring socialist, do about this you wonder?
"We need to go back to a time when we collectivized risk and demand that our federal dollars support things we actually own, not the Wall Street and real estate speculation of the ultra-rich:"
The good old collective. It actually sounds like a good idea but I have this faint notion that it's been tried already... can't put my finger on it... maybe if I lived in that world Superpower the Soviet Union my thinking would be clearer.
"Health care. Should be a right of every citizen, and every citizen should have to pay into the system to support it."
Every citizen should have to pay for it? That's not a right then. I don't have to pay for my free speech. What if someone can't/won't pay into it? Oh wait, you mean those "other" folks, the ones who have capital gains, have to pay into it. I gotcha. But not meth addicts, they don't have capital gains.
"Public education. Public schools should always be funded first, at an adequate level, before any funds flow to private educators."
By adequate they mean "as much as you are willing to give us and then a little bit more for good measure." Another idea on the table, fund medical research involving sawing off arms before any funds flow to "helpful medicine that gets results."
"Minimum wage. No family in America should work full time and not be able to feed their family. (This isn't as pressing an issue in Oregon.)"
By "family" are you referring to extended family? Mom, dad and two kids? And what are these families eating? Top Ramen? Caviar? Does it matter? Or should we just trust that all the details will come out in the wash?
"Higher education. The surest way to get ahead is an education. That is currently becoming the domain of the upper classes, and the federal government is defunding public assistance to students."
Another quick way to get ahead is to copy other writer's ideas days after they put something out... I don't think that Alworth has been to a PCC campus recently. I've seen "students" actually use their class time to sleep. (maybe they were dreaming about how they were going to spend their capital gains but I'm not sure)
"Defined benefit Social Security. Dubya would love to turn Social Security into a vast 401 (k) scheme where citizens would lose the assurance of a regular check for the risk of regular investments into a system that may be bankrupt when we retire."
Potential motto for this program: Because we did such a bang-up job with the first social security program. (Note: Everyone constantly saying that the current "system is broken" or "bankrupt" or has an "unfunded liability" doesn't count as bad.)
"Bankruptcy protection. Given all the burdens placed on citizens by the plutocrats in power, it is plainly immoral to remove bankruptcy as a last-resort method of escaping debt, as the GOP did a couple years ago."
Because why should I be held responsible for buying that big screen when I clearly couldn't afford it? Punish the "plutocrats" not me. (Note to Alworth: Pluto was just demoted from "planet" to "moon" so I'm not sure if that should affect your choice of words.)
I know that I am looking foward to this new "non-ownership" society dreamed of by Marie Coocoo, I mean Jeff Alworth. Not being in charge of my own retirement will be great. Not being able to choose my own doctor, and better yet having the receptionist be the same "helpful" lady that works at the DMV is going to be even better! (heart transplant? get in this line and take a number... sorry, it's that line, you will have to get a new number)
And I'm certainly as excited as the next heroin junkie that the concept personal responsibility will be irrelevent, because after all, it's those plutocrats and their captial gains who are to blame.