Thursday, March 22, 2007

The schools need your money

My favorite position that exists in every school is definitely the job of... homeless liason.

It has to be the easiest job in the world. According to the description of one school district the job involves:

Identify homes students using the following criteria
In the defense of the person who wrote this sentence, I'm sure that they are graduates of a government school system were more emphasis is placed on "homeless liasons" rather than actual, say, "teachers." Grammatical error aside, it lists several (obvious and redundant) homeless situations that a student would be living in.

Then this highly paid, highly trained professional is to take this student and "Immediately enroll all identified homeless students in Gervais School District schools."

I'm not positive but if they are already students doesn't that mean they are in school? Or maybe Gervais is hording the homeless kids from other schools.

But seriously, this could create a problem because as I said before, every school has one of these liasons so it may be a very competitive environment to lure the homeless to their particular school district.

I'm imagining something similar to the way that colleges recruit athletes except geared to the homeless:

Gervais school district homeless liason: "We've got some great barrels just outside our elementary school, at least three of them, that can be used as makeshift fire pits to stay warm in the winter."

Potential homeless student: "Pffft, the Portland school district offers fire barrels and they say the local soup kitchen puts actual meat in the soups!"

Portland school district homeless liason: "Don't forget about that rigorous de-lousing program that I mentioned!"

The ultimate irony of this picture is that companies (I've seen both tax and furniture lately) will pay you to stand on the street and wave a sign. But maybe she's too busy...

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