Oppressed, Disenfranchised Coyotes Fight Back Against Global Warming Apes
Communities east of Los Angeles have seen a spate of “attacks” by coyotes against children playing menacingly in local parks and yards. Although scientists are said to be puzzled by the attacks, one thing is for sure: the incidents are somehow man’s fault.
“This is the coyote’s land. Man has pushed his developments into their backyard, leaving the coyotes with no choice but to find a new food source: human toddlers,” said Bill Grantdabbler, an entirely made-up, but still quite plausible, biologist interviewed for this fake story.
“Before the white man stole their natural resources and pitted them against other animals in a colonialist scheme to control nature, coyotes were matriarchical pacifists living ‘off the grid’ in sustainable vegan ecovillages,” he added. “We changed that. The chickens have now come home to roost.”
I'm almost positive that Mac Johnson is the funniest man in America. Read his full column and reflect on the fact that his obvious parody doesn't actually deviate from what the eco-nuts really believe.