Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Random things to say to infuriate a liberal

Got liberal co-workers that won't shut up? Tired of sitting by during a family gathering while your liberal relatives say "Bush is stupid" and laugh hysterically like they are speech-writers for Leno?

I've found that the best way to have fun in these situations is to think of the most extreme thing possible to say and then take it one step further.

"I'll be happy when I can get my Hummer to run on spotted owl carcasses" for instance.

"We didn't give women the right to vote... we just gave husbands two ballots" is another favorite.

Sometimes I just call Clinton a rapist.

If you get there eyes to bug out with incredulity then you know that you did it right.


Kaelri said...

Heh... I'm sure you've noticed this, but whenever you're in a "situation" like the ones you described, there's a good chance that one of your liberal comrades is doing you exactly the same favor.

For what it's worth, I'd like to see some quality conservative humor... I'm honestly surprised that we haven't seen some kind of answer to The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I refuse to believe that the likes of Limbaugh and Coulter are really the best you've got.

Amy the Razor said...

The National Organization of Women supports aborting liberals in all stages of existence.

Daniel said...

Kaelri, Coulter is funny!

I like that one Amy!

Anonymous said...

I love vote by male ... the decline started when we gave women the vote.

Anonymous said...

The two ballots was great. Anon, your correct, along with a few other things that got let out of the closet.

Bobkatt said...

Kaelri, try listening to Dennis Miller sometime. South Park often is great in pointing out the hypocracy on both sides.
One of the main reasons that the Daily Show and Colbert are successful is the fact that they depend on conservatives to be able to laugh at themselves and have a sense of humor. I don't see most high profile liberals doing that.

I invented the mullet said...

Try this one on for size:
"I support the war, I just don't support the troops."

Great fun watching their eyeballs roll around as they try to get a handle on that!

Anonymous said...

Blood for oil? Sounds like a bargain to me!

Kaelri said...

"One of the main reasons that the Daily Show and Colbert are successful is the fact that they depend on conservatives to be able to laugh at themselves and have a sense of humor."

I think not. Political humor isn't about looking on the bright side of things. Not as it manifests on the Daily Show, at least. When they do a scene of pure, good-natured humor, it's usually apolitical - often some satire or other about the media itself. Beyond that, they slip in plenty of side-jabs, but they know their limits when it comes to preaching to the choir (which, in my opinion, is how they've kept doors open to themselves that Limbaugh and Coulter have shut). When they're running a political theme in earnest, it's pointed, and I know that's the appeal for a huge portion of their audience, including myself - the Daily Show makes the analyses that we wish we were seeing on CNN. You can see it in the way the audience reacts to the political punchlines. They don't laugh. They cheer.

Maybe you can explain it to me, Bobkatt, but I can't imagine that conservatives enjoy seeing their positions assailed the way they are on The Daily Show; it's not a perspective of "oh, those silly right-wingers are at it again." I think there's a kind of a myth that that's how it works, but not one that you'd pick up from actually watching the show. (Though it is funny, if sad, to see how long it takes some people. Bill O'Reilly's double-date with Colbert was a train wreck, from Bill's point of view; he seemed oblivious to the fact that Colbert's act isn't just a parody, or an homage, but an all-out mockery, a direct attack on his practice.)

If you really do enjoy it, though, I'd honestly love to hear more about it.

Anonymous said...

I hear you, man. We have a couple loony Conservatives in our family. They are always a ball to piss off. The other day, I made my brother-in-law take the Max. He was so pissed. Then when he got back to our house we had put on Michael Moores movies for the rest of the evening.

A few things we like to do to our other couple of conservative relatives is during Christmas we send them "Choice on Earth" Cards, replace their baby Jesus in the nativity with a Buddha and use the Christian Bilble as a door stop. They get so steamed.

The funniest thing I have ever heard was a prank that my friend played on his very conservative Republican neighbor. Apparentlty the neighbor has land that would flood most of the year.

Concerned, my friend called a government agency (not sure which one) after seeing his neighbor trying to build a shed. (without a permit, no less) The government agency sent out an agent that assessed the land and ruled it a wetland. Needless to say, the neighbor can't do anything on the land except enjoy watching the wildlife. Isn't that a hoot? He sure pranked him good.

wrench said...

South Park is offensive to everyone!

Fight Fire With said...

Hey, I have an idea. Someone should grab a few endangered plant and animal species and place them on Dorothy "Whinning Bitch" English's land and call the authorities. That would be the real hoot! No more defrauding the State of Oregon for her.

R Huse said...

Well, considering that Limbaugh, Coulter et. al. probably each have ten times the market share of The Daily Show its pretty hard to argue that they have shut any sort of doors on themselves.

Frankly I love the Daily Show, its funny. However it has no where near the wide spread impact that Limbaugh, Coulter or O' Reily have. The audience simply isn't as big.