WANTED: The Oregonian Editorial Board
CHARGE: Being too white
REWARD: $5,000 in food stamps
EXTREME CAUTION: This editorial board is less cosmopolitan, less dynamic and at risk of being less competitive than other editorial boards.
Andy Parker: known for very white demeanor. May be armed with a suburban lifestyle.
Anna Griffin: Given a female name by obviously very white parents who probably thought that it would make him a more rounded person.
David Sarasohn: Last seen with an extremely white old guy haircut. May be possible to track by looking for Birkenstock tracks.
Jack Ohman: Armed with a very cheesey white guy smile.
Mike Francis: Excessive pasty white appearance. May be operating under the pseudonym "Mr. Bean."
Steve Duin: Possesion of total white guy mustache with intent to collect food crumbs.
Susan Nielsen: Possession of blond hair, prima facie evidence that the possessor is white.
Please keep in mind that these individual are EXTREMELY sanctimonious. Do not approach these suspects as you are probably not cosmopolitan enough to be seen in public with them. If you are a person of color please be prepared to be patronized.
If you don't listen to Lars here is what I am talking about.
Possible follow up Wanted poster: Betsy Hammond (author of article) - Her Facebook friends list is overwhelmingly white! How very un-cosmopolitan.