Saturday, April 11, 2009

Saturday parody rerun

A new diversity report reveals that while many defendants are "criminals," the judges presiding over their trials are "law-abiding" citizens.

"It just goes to show that historical inequalities haven't changed much in the last few decades," says a new taxpayer funded task force. The task force, created by the Supervisor of diversity and equality for minorities, has been studying the alarming rate of convictions of people accused of crimes.

"Criminals are disproportionaly locked up when you compare their incarceration rate to that of the general public," said Juan Garcia, a senior member of the task force and recently paroled felon. "Juries are looking at the crimes rather than the troubled childhood of the defendant."

The task force has recommended that newly appointed judges also be current or former inmates in our criminal justice system. "The constitution clearly says that defendants should be given a trial by their peers, that means a drug dealing rapist should have a like-minded person presiding over their trial."

"Dude, you got a hit?" asked one judge recently appointed after the task force report came out. "It's like, I see my old homies on trial, and like, I just, like, tell that prosecutor to shut up, you know what I'm saying?"

The state of Oregon knows what he's saying, they have since created an Oregon Criminal Lawyers Association to promote criminal candidates for judicial appointements. Miguel Sachez of the association says "criminals really are discriminated against as a group when it comes to judicial positions, if we are to be a truly diverse and tolerant society we just can't let this go on."


Anonymous said...

Where was this article written?

Anonymous said...

This sounds like total bullshit to me, but if it is true, then this state has gone off the deep end.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...parody. Got it. Nevermind.

Anonymous said...

I laughed.