Thursday, July 10, 2008

Portland icons oppose Peterson's

The Portland City Council plans to evict Peterson's Convenience store from their city owned retail location for "attracting a bad crowd." Why is the council doing this? I have obtained secret "friend of the council" briefs from several Portland notables that may have influenced their decision:

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. We feel that it is attracting a lot of bums.
Sincerely,
Dignity Village

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. We feel that it is attracting a lot of criminals.
Sincerely,
The taxpayer funded day labor site

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. We feel that it is attracting a lot of freeloaders.
Sincerely,
Fareless square

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. I feel that it could be attracting child predators.
Sincerely,
Neil Goldshmidt

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. We feel that it offers a place for the homeless to use drugs.
Sincerely,
The 24-hour city hall bathrooms

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. We feel that it is attracting a lot of intravenous drug users.
Sincerely,
The taxpayer funded needle exchange program

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. We feel that it is attracting a lot of violent people.
Sincerely,
TriMet

Dear Portland City Council,
Please close Peterson's Convenience store. I don't think you should allow something to remain in a public place that is causing a spectacle.
Sincerely,
Tre Arrow

9 comments:

DAVE01 said...

This is pretty damn funny.

Scottiebill said...

After Tommy and the Toadies put the boot to Mr. Peterson, do you suppose the City Council will rent out the space to the Portland City Anarchists so they will have a central location from which to run other legitimate businesses out of town? Or maybe, because the Anarchists are so popular with Tommy and the Toadies, they will let them have the space rent-free.

With that bunch anything is possible.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Peterson's joint is a trash heap. Places like that have no place in Portland's future. I have stood at the Max Station outside the store and it isn't so much the homeless as it is the drunks that buy booze and cigarettes. Then they drink right outside the store and harrass people. The fact that they have to station a cop outside Peterson's business is a clear indication that it isn't all un the up and up. I am glad it is closing. Good riddance!

Anonymous said...

excellent satire. perhaps we could have another day labor site there?

Anonymous said...

Wow, The City of Portland has enound in the tax coffers to evict business????

Really????


Again, sounds like some are more "equal" on the animal farm you people call Portland Oregon.

Anonymous said...

*enound

** Should read *enough

Anonymous said...

That's fucking hilarious, dude! Off the hook! Most excellent!

Anonymous said...

Good riddance is right. Another scumbag conservative business owner gets bounced from PDX.

Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to the Respect For Law act?